Seven Years Since Everything Changed
Seven years ago this week, my husband’s cancer came back. There are dates associated with grief that everyone remembers—the day someone dies, birthdays, anniversaries. But there are other anniversaries that live more quietly in the body. Dates that marked the beginning of the before and after, even though you didn’t know it at the time. This is one of mine. I remember Keith on pain medication, so confused that he didn’t know who I was. I remember waiting for answers and then hearing the words we desperately didn’t want to hear: it was cancer again. Keith was not conscious when we received the news. He didn't know. I did, just me, alone in the hospital room. That night, in the hallway of the oncology floor, I had the first panic attack of my life. I think about that woman now. She was terrified and overwhelmed, but she had no idea what was still ahead. She didn’t know everything Keith would endure. She didn't know everything their son would lose. She didn't know how much wou...
